my favorite nickname is courtelbow.

The spring solstice is upon us and every cell in my body can feel it.

Longer days, shorter nights, more sunshine, less desire to be inside.

The transition to spring always feels tangible to me—a feeling I can physically hold and spin around with until we both get dizzy and fall to the ground, laughing.

I feel lighter, more inclined toward awe, more inspired to take my laptop outside, more likely to take multiple walks a day, just to feel the air on my skin.

I find myself stretched out in my backyard on lawn chairs, face toward the sun, eyes closed, just sitting in meditation as birds chirp, cars pass by, and neighbors chatter.

I think I laugh more, this time of year.

And even as our patriarchal and capitalist society rages against us, I find myself zooming in on my immediate circle.

Our nervous systems weren’t designed to have access to so much information. To have an onslaught of tragedy from every corner of the country, of the world, at our fingertips at all times. It’s no wonder we’re all anxious, depressed, and on edge. We weren’t designed for this. And while of course it’s important to be informed, to have empathy, to fight for what’s right… we can’t do that all the time, or we will wear ourselves down to dust.

Spring reminds me to zoom in on the simple moments of my small life.

The ladybug, the weeds popping through my pavers, the wind blowing through a chime, the smell of neighbors grilling.

Recently, I’ve been hearing my grandfather’s voice around me again.

Poppop passed away when I was in college and too absorbed in my own life to be present for the passing of his, something I regret as a thirty-year-old who is beginning to care more and more about generational ties and community-based healing.

Him and my grandmother, my dad’s parents, spent their early retirement traveling the world and living in Arizona, sans the summer months they spent at their shore house in South Jersey and the weeks around Christmas they would stay in the basement of my childhood home.

Poppop was the kind of person who could talk to anyone. He could make conversation with every checkout clerk, server, gas station attendant (no, you can’t pump your own gas in Jersey!), random human in the store, and every person in between.

He was lively. He cared about people and communities. He just wanted to talk.

And he loved to make people laugh.

He was always making jokes, always had the best one-liners, always had witty responses. I think I was too young to really appreciate who he was as a person, but his desire to know other people, to make them laugh, has been top-of-mind recently.

Because you don’t need thousands of followers or a huge platform to make a difference.

All you need is your authentic self. The ability to not take life too seriously. The desire to make people feel seen. The need to engage in conversation.

to create the feeling of spring for others: light, open, inviting.

Poppop used to call me Court-Elbow.

CourtNEY → CourtKNEE → CourtELBOW

It was a play on words, a play on language.

I don’t remember how I felt about this nickname as a child.

As an adult, I fucking love it. I miss someone calling me that. I miss his wit and his humor. His ability to not take things so seriously.

to take something so simple and make it fun.

To take a name and look at it through new light. To take a conversation and infuse some life into it. To take something mundane and make it magical.

I wish I could pick his brain. I wish I could be around him again to fully appreciate who he was as a human—as my own flesh and blood. My lineage.

I don’t remember a lot about him. I’m sure he wasn’t always having fun and joking around, but I’ll always choose to remember him as the person who could make anyone laugh.

My Instagram handle has always been @courtKNEEzanosky as a small ode to Poppop’s nickname for me. I don’t remember consciously making that choice back in high school when I first setup my account, but it continues to serve as the reminder that things can be playful.

We can have fun with our time on Earth. And we should.

Life was meant for living.

Even when things are heavy, we can zoom into the moments of joy and connection around us. We can prioritize meaningful conversations and intentional encounters. We can get outside and walk barefoot through the grass and sit in silence with the sun on our faces. We can crack a joke and belly-laugh with the people around us—friends, family, colleagues, strangers.

We can learn from Poppop and we can answer spring’s call to wake up to the LIFE that is all around us.

I’m walking into the spring solstice with Court-Elbow energy at the wheel. She is the inner child inside of me, the one who wanted to be as outgoing, light-hearted, and thoughtful as her Poppop.

I hope that whatever Court-Elbow energy is for you, that you prioritize it this season, too.

The world—and all of us in it—will be better for it.

xx,

Court.